Babysitting...

So I agreed to babysit three adorable angels so my second parents could go on a cruise.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I signed up for this job.  Let me start off by saying I still love these angelic children with everything I have, but I now know I am in no way prepared to have children of my own by myself.  Let me start at the beginning...yesterday.  I picked the children up from school and everything was going fine, then I suggested going to Wal-Mart.  The oldest child, age 10, said, "I can't go to Wal-Mart unless I'm drunk", after I picked myself off the floor I replied don't ever say that again and yes you can go to Wal-Mart.  He then replied, "I'm going to be bad".  I had no idea what to do so of course I bribed them with candy to make them behave.  The youngest, age 5, thought the oldest child was hilarious so for the next 10 minutes kept accusing me of being drunk.  PERFECT! Well we went to Wal-Mart and everything went well because they wanted candy. Oh how wonderful candy is.  Next it was time for everyone to take a bath.  Well the boys asked if they could shower together, innocent me thought this would cut down on time so I agreed.  Half way through shower time I hear screaming coming from the bathroom...I walk in and both of them are yelling..."He peed on me!!!" OH MY GOSH!!! Who does that?!?!?! Clearly I had an older brother...my sisters and I did not do that!!! Finally everyone was nestled all snug in their beds and I hear the oldest child screaming that the 5 year old had snuck his DSI (like a gameboy on crack) into his bed and was playing it under the covers. OMG just go to sleep!!! I finally collected all 3 DS/DSI and hid them in the living room with me.  I drifted off to sleep around 11ish.  At about 5 I was sleeping peacefully, when I decided to lay on my other side and what appeared...only a 4 foot 5 inch blonde headed little girl that made me say a not nice word and nearly pee my pants! She had a bad dream (sorry mom for all those nights I had bad dreams and probably scared you to DEATH!).  She asked if she could sleep with me, of course I said yes.  She woke me up again 5 minutes later to ask if she could hold my hand, again I responded with a yes.  5 minutes later she woke me again asking if she could sleep on the inside... I said yes.  5 minutes later she woke me asking if I'd turn on a light... 3 minutes later she asked if I'd turn on a different light because that one was too bright.  5 minutes later she woke me and asked if I'd go jiggle the toilet handle because it was running and she didn't like the sound. 5 minutes later she woke me to tell me about her scary dream because she still couldn't sleep.  5 minutes later she woke me up asking if she could hold my arm.  Finally around 6:10 she and I both fell into a deep sleep only to wake up at 7:15 for school.  Here's where the real FUN began...The 5 year old refused I mean REFUSED to get out of bed.  I threatened the DSI, spanking him, plus everything else I could think of and finally when he saw how serious I was he got dressed.  Then he came to the living room sat down and said...I'm not going to school and you can't make me! WHAT!!! I went to the kitchen to find a wooden spoon because that always got me as a kid, but of course I couldn't find one. After several minutes of convincing him to join the other two kids in the car we headed off to school.  The entire time he was telling me how he wasn't going to school because it was boring.  Well I get into the dreaded car riders line and we get up to the door and the oldest two hop out.  I look in the back and the 5 year old is sitting back there informing me that he isn't going anywhere... please note I am in my sweat pants, uggs, long sleeve t-shirt, messy bun, and NO MAKE UP.  I get out of the car to make him go to school and he scurries across the back seat and out the other side of the car leaving the door open.  The lady behind me hollers, "Don't ya love kids!! hahaha!" I think I gave her the most sarcastic smile ever! I was ready to scream! I headed home and found a wooden spoon asap preparing myself for when they returned.  This afternoon went smoothly until it was time for basketball practices.  The oldest two behaved and went to practice just fine, but my pride and joy the 5 year old disappeared half-way through practice.  I waited a few minutes knowing he'd show back up, well when he didn't I went looking for him.  I found him and his best friend in the women's restroom pooping together.  He was explaining to his best friend how his babysitter made him go to the women's restroom. WHAT!!! I didn't even know where he was.  He was lying to his little friend about me.  I was not happy at this point.  I gave him two options: he could come sit by me for the rest of practice or he could get his ds taken away for the rest of the night.  Oh I also lectured him on how Jesus doesn't like it when we tell lies and it doesn't make Jesus smile.  In the middle of this lecture I had to turn around and giggle to myself because I couldn't keep a straight face.  No matter how mad I get, he is just sooo cute it's hard to be serious with him.  Anyways he chose to sit beside me.  5 minutes later I told him that if he told his little friend that his babysitter had not made him go to the women's restroom then he could get up.  I gave him a minute to make up his mind and he remained silent. Needless to say he sat there for an hour and wouldn't talk to me.  By the time we got home from practices it was time for a quick supper, baths, and bed.  THANK GOD!! They didn't pee on each other tonight and I have all the 3 DS so there will be no playing in bed.  I made him promise to be sweet and get out of bed the first time I ask in the morning or I will use the wooden spoon.  Holy moly I am clueless about raising kids.  Please note I love these kids as if they were my own.  They mean the world to me and most of this stuff I think is hilarious.  I just thought I would share my last 24 hours with you guys.  Here is some advice: Kids are crazy and be prepared to punish them if you are going to babysit for more than 6 hours.