Sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do...

It never fails whenever I have a massive amount of homework due...I would rather do anything besides complete it.  It also seems like during these times my brain likes to transform into some unknown substance and stay that way for prolong periods of time.  All of this makes me giggle and yet my work sits incomplete.

I am currently working on 3 more RAWS.  I just called my dearest Daddy to inform him that I will more than likely be earning a C in this dreaded class because I do not understand how to complete a RAW accurately.  His response (being a male), "Awe a C in graduate school isn't so bad".  I burst into tears, "Daddy I don't want a C...I want all A's!!!!"  Needless to say he told me to pray then proceeded to try and help me with this horrid assignment.  After ten minutes of throwing around all the words associated with RAW's including: evidence, research, limitations, peer-reviewed, effect sizes, statistically significant findings, strong effect sizes, quality of the study, cognitive rehabilitation, language domain, etc. He replied...baby just keep reading the questions slowly until you understand them...sorry I just don't know how else to help you.  At first this made me start crying all over again, but after our phone call ended I calmed down and realized how grateful I really am.  My daddy is probably at work right now out in this horrid heat, and yet he took time out of his busy schedule to try and help me understand my homework.  He also tried to reassure me that I can do this work even if it is really hard.  Not only this, but he built up my faith by reminding me to turn everything over to my Creator.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do:

-Because school is hard...

-Because I don't know about tomorrow...

-Because I don't think I can pass...

-Because I feel so ignorant...

-Because I'm so small in this BIG world...

-Because Satan is a sneaky thing...

-Because temptation is great...

-Because life isn't always easy...

Then I call on my Father, regardless of it is good ole Timmy Boy who has lead my family in the right way and raised me in a Christian home, or if it is the King of Kings who is always here watching over me each step of the way.  Whenever I call on my earthly father I am reminded that my Heavenly Father is guiding me and I no longer have to wonder what I'm going to do because IT ISN'T UP TO ME! :-)  I'm so thankful for my wonderful life!  Thanks Daddy for picking me up without even realizing I had fallen!

Transformation of Sins...

Over the past 4 months I have seen a drastic change in my lifestyle.  From January-April I was in a state of rebellion against everything which lead to a very sinful way of life.  I remember going to bed every night knowing if I died in my sleep I wouldn't go to heaven.  I also remember every time I sinned I was consciously aware that it was wrong.  I was so enticed by worldly things: drinking, cussing, clubbing, and the like.  Thankfully in April something clicked that I could not live this way any longer.  I contribute most of it to Baby Khloe.  I knew that if my brother had any idea any of this was going on he would cut me off from my precious niece and I couldn't stand that thought! Needless to say in April I decided to make a conscious effort to eliminate all of these worldly things from my life.  I think God knew in order for me to do this completely I needed to be uprooted and start over completely because on April 26th I received the phone call from ASU.

Well 4 months later... there has been a transformation in my sins.  I haven't been clubbing or drank since April and I very rarely cuss, but I worry, fear, stress, get angry, and the like.  Most people would say, "Congratulations Jenn! You are really becoming a better Christian!", but am I?  Personally I feel like it is an excellent thing that I stopped the other sins, but these new sins are JUST AS BAD!  If sins were rated big or little, they may even be "bigger sins" because its a sign that I am doubting God.  In Matthew 6:25-27; 34 it says: "There I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" 34: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  These verses remind me not to worry.  Then Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, 'declares the Lord,' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." gives me strength to not fear or stress!

I just have to remember to fully rely on God (FROG!!!)  I guess my point is that sometimes we dismiss worry, fear, stress, and anger as "small sins", but if we do not strive daily to improve upon these faults and turn them over to God, we are just as guilty as someone who is drinking, clubbing, and cussing! We have to recognize that we can't put our sins into categories in order to sweep them under a rug!

We are all sinners and we all fall short!  Thankfully Jesus gave himself up for us so that we can have eternal life with Him in Heaven!

Please proceed with caution...

Over the past year or so I have been stealing quotes off of other people's facebook pages, blogs, bible lessons, etc.  I have kept these quotes in a nice and neat file on my computer only to be revealed...NOW!  I have titled this blog please proceed with caution because you are entering into some of my deeper thoughts.  These mean something to me and you may not like them.  It is perfectly ok if you do not agree, please feel free to state your opinion! 

-"Christian Character is who you are when no Christian is watching"

-"A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education"

-"Dance like no one is watching, Sing like no one is listening, Love like you've never been hurt before, and Live like Heaven begins tomorrow"

-Unknown

-"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things."        

      -Philippians 4:8

-"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen"

      -Ralph Waldo Emerson

-"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"

       -Ralph Waldo Emerson

-"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

       -Unknown

-"I'm selfish, impatient, and insecure.  I make mistakes.  I am out of control and at times, hard to handle.  But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."

     -Marilyn Monroe

-"Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything.  Keep trying and believe in yourself!"

     -Marilyn Monroe

-"And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

    -Marilyn Monroe

-"Watch your thoughts, they become words.  Watch your words, they become actions.  Watch your actions, they become habits.  Watch your habits, they become your character.  Watch your character, it becomes your destiny."

      -Unknown

-"When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I'm clean living" I'm whispering, "I was lost, now I'm found and I'm forgiven".  When I say..."I'm a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride.  I'm confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide.  When I say..."I'm a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong.  I'm professing that I'm weak and need HIS strength to carry on.  When I say..."I'm a Christian" I'm not bragging of success.  I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.  When I say..."I'm a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect.  My flaws are too visible, but God believes I am worth it.  When I say..."I'm a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain.  I have my share of heartaches so I call upon his name.  When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not holier than though, I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow."

    -Unknown

-"There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those!"

     -Unknown

-"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring!"

    -Marilyn Monroe

-"The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space."

    -Marilyn Monroe

-"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

   -Jeremiah 29:11

-We always wonder: "Why me God, instead think well why not me?"

-"Cussing is the vocabulary of the powerless"

-"A man reaps what he sows"

Well there they are! I left some of the more thought provoking quotes out just because: A. They are direct quotes from people I am friends with. B. They are too personal. C. This post is getting way too long.  I hope you guys enjoy these quotes.  I've enjoyed avoiding my homework in order to blog!

Wedding Season...

Well its Summer and I'm 22 which means I am surrounded by weddings.  My facebook newsfeed is bombarded daily with: engagements, weddings, wedding pictures, engagement pictures, and everything in between.  I personally am not upset about this fact because I am female and I simply LOVE weddings, but it does make a person think.  When I was in High School I wanted to get married ASAP and I kept this mentality for quite sometime, but within the past year it has subsided. Do not be mistaken, I'm sure when the right guy comes knocking on my door...I'll be ready, but as for now I'm focused on school.

  This still doesn't keep my mind from wondering about that special day.  Once again as a female I believe most of us daydream about OUR special day from the time we're probably 3 or 4 and start playing dress up.  I don't have a clue what colors, dress, venue, or any other detail I would like, but I have decided upon one decision that goes against recent trends.  

  I'm not sure how many of you have attended weddings like I have within the past 5 years, but recently people have eliminated the fearful line, "If anyone objects speak now or forever hold your peace".  I have noted this especially recently because there have been a few times I have wanted to jump over the pews and yell, "ME!!!! I OBJECT!!! DON'T DO IT!!!", but there never was a moment taken for me to say my true feelings.  I have concluded that I do not want this line taken out of my marriage ceremony.  You may be sitting there asking yourself: Why in the world would you want someone to interrupt your special day?  Well here is my exact reason why...If someone feels so strongly as to stand up in front of 200 people and object to me getting married to Joe Blow Billy Bob Bumpkin then I want to know about it before I make a life time commitment.  Now I strongly believe Joe Blow Billy Bob Bumpkin will be a man of God, who will be the love of my life, and if he has made it through the interrogation of my Daddy there isn't a bone in my body that thinks anybody would have any reason to object.  Therefore I am not afraid to ask this question and part of me feels like the people that take it out of their ceremony slightly doubt their decision.

  Anyways I guess I just say all of this because its been on my mind especially today.  Young people don't realize what a HUGE commitment marriage is and they go through divorces just like junior high break ups.  I refuse to get a divorce and I'm determined to marry a man that believes the same way even if that means I may never get married.  I'm so comforted by the ability to pray even when the outcome isn't what I wanted.  I ran across this quote today: "God long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now. You were never not coming here. This was never not going to happen" It really gave me comfort and strength to make it through today.  God knew I wasn't going to be happy with the decisions certain individuals made today, He knew that no matter what I tried to do to keep them from happening that they were going to happen, but He also knows the outcomes of the decisions made.  I am happy knowing that my God knows what the future holds.  He knows everything and He is in control.  I do not have to know about tomorrow, I just have to know MY GOD!!!

Avoiding RAW...

So tomorrow my first two RAW are due...when I read this assignment all I think about is raw meat, raw vegetables, and everything else that is raw.  I absolutely do NOT think about a research analysis worksheet followed by a critique over the worksheet.  I'm sorry, but can we not come up with a better acronym for "assignment that is going to make you want to jump off a cliff" than RAW?  Maybe I'm just in a negative nancy mood, maybe I have writers block, or maybe I just would rather be anywhere 

but here, but I DON'T WANT TO DO MY HOMEWORK!!! lol.  Mother or ladies who feel as though they are my mother, do not fear, my homework will get done  properly and be turned in on time, but for right now I am blogging instead (obviously).

So what is something else interesting going on in my life...hm... I am making good grades still. Oh wait that is still about school.  Ooo.. My neighbor across the breeze-way well his apartment was broken into two nights ago while he was out of town. This all lead to me crying my eyes out all night long last night terrified some crazy person would try to get me.  I mean seriously if you're going to try to come into my house I have a strong feeling adrenaline would take over and I'd beat you, but when you're laying in bed  late at night every noise sounds like a bad guy trying to get in and  IT'S FLIPPIN' SCARY! I'm not really sure how to resolve this problem... last night I called Mommy then proceeded to pray until I drifted off into the world of sleep.  Hopefully my fears will subside soon.

What else is new? I'm going to Eureka Springs this weekend to see my cousin Tyler Lewis get married! 

I really like Eureka and I could definitely use a massage. I'm hoping to twist my Mommy's arm enough that maybe she'll let me get one.  Oh my birthday is in like a week and a half.  I don't feel any excitement about it this year.  I'm not sure if it is because I'm in school or because believe it or not ladies and gentlemen, but

 I'M AN OLD WOMAN!

 I do believe I'm going to just stop counting birthdays and say I'm still 16... 

I enjoyed being 16 except for the whole teenage girl drama, but life was so carefree.  Anyways I'm whining a lot today but I do need to say that life is really awesome! 

I'm super happy about being in grad school and I love it even if I have to work hard! I also feel blessed every day to have a God that loves and takes care of me! I really must start doing homework now before I go to church!

The vacation I needed...

So my precious parents scheduled a lovely vacation for the family this past weekend to Panama City Beach, Florida.  Please note that this vacation was scheduled 2 months or so ago, but nobody could've known (except God) how much I would need it!  We left Thursday after I got out of school and returned on Sunday.  It was a quick trip, but it was PERFECT!  Most of Friday and Saturday were spent laying out.  Friday night we took a leisurely walk to the nearby (or so we thought) pier.  Little did we know it was 2 miles away.  When we finally got there we realized you had to pay to actually walk out on it (AWESOME), we ended up doing a little window shopping and getting ice cream. Afterwards Preston (Michelle's precious boyfriend) and I ran back along the beach to the condo.  I tried to do a little bit of exercising while I was there because I've seriously been a bum since I moved to Jonesboro.  I wasn't quite able to run the entire way back...I'd like to blame it on being barefoot, on the sand, and the salty air played a part in my inability to breathe properly (or maybe I'm just out of shape) haha! Anyways Saturday night we went to a local seafood restaurant and I had delicious crab legs! Here are a few pictures from our marvelous trip!

Laying out trying to not look so pale!

Playing Dress Up in a store called L.O.L.

Fighting with Chasity! I love my B.I.L!

Favorite sister picture ever! Love it!!!

We ordered the exact same thing without even knowing it!
Oh and yes we're burnt...Sunscreen=fail!!

Beginning our long walk to the Pier

Michelle trying to be like Khloe and give me a knuckle sandwich! Haha!

**Just a few photos to summarize what a great time we had on our weekend VK to Panama City Beach! It was the perfect rest for my brain before I try to tackle this week full of several papers!