Over the past 4 months I have seen a drastic change in my lifestyle. From January-April I was in a state of rebellion against everything which lead to a very sinful way of life. I remember going to bed every night knowing if I died in my sleep I wouldn't go to heaven. I also remember every time I sinned I was consciously aware that it was wrong. I was so enticed by worldly things: drinking, cussing, clubbing, and the like. Thankfully in April something clicked that I could not live this way any longer. I contribute most of it to Baby Khloe. I knew that if my brother had any idea any of this was going on he would cut me off from my precious niece and I couldn't stand that thought! Needless to say in April I decided to make a conscious effort to eliminate all of these worldly things from my life. I think God knew in order for me to do this completely I needed to be uprooted and start over completely because on April 26th I received the phone call from ASU.
Well 4 months later... there has been a transformation in my sins. I haven't been clubbing or drank since April and I very rarely cuss, but I worry, fear, stress, get angry, and the like. Most people would say, "Congratulations Jenn! You are really becoming a better Christian!", but am I? Personally I feel like it is an excellent thing that I stopped the other sins, but these new sins are JUST AS BAD! If sins were rated big or little, they may even be "bigger sins" because its a sign that I am doubting God. In Matthew 6:25-27; 34 it says: "There I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" 34: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." These verses remind me not to worry. Then Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, 'declares the Lord,' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." gives me strength to not fear or stress!
I just have to remember to fully rely on God (FROG!!!) I guess my point is that sometimes we dismiss worry, fear, stress, and anger as "small sins", but if we do not strive daily to improve upon these faults and turn them over to God, we are just as guilty as someone who is drinking, clubbing, and cussing! We have to recognize that we can't put our sins into categories in order to sweep them under a rug!
We are all sinners and we all fall short! Thankfully Jesus gave himself up for us so that we can have eternal life with Him in Heaven!
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