On your mark, get set, GO!!!!

June 1st has come and gone which means I am officially a Grad student at Arkansas State University.  This title also means I am loaded down with work.  Please note that I was slightly worried that AState would be a breeze coming from my private university. Ha! What an ignorant thought! I have completed my 3rd day of graduate school and I sit here in my apartment where I've been for the past 6 hours working on homework.  I am still working on reading 2 chapters in a textbook "The Voice and Voice Therapy".  Yes I know I sound like a slow reader, but I desire more than to just read the text.  I want to comprehend it and be able to sound intelligent when asked what I read.  6 hours later and the only question I will be able to answer is, 'What did you read about?' my response: 'The larynx'.  I honestly know a lot more than that, pinky promise, but I'm too afraid to speak up fearing I'll say something incorrectly or get something totally backwards.  Last night while studying I confused the epiglottis with the esophagus.  If anybody reading this is a CSD person you know that was a HUGE mistake!!! I guess I was in Jenn World and not paying attention anyways I went back and re-read the sentence and I was like oh my word I'm losing my mind!!!  This morning I went to my neurologist for my 6 month check-up.  He asked how my migraines had been and how my migraine medicine was working.  I told him the medicine was working great, except for the past month or so.  I then explained my migraines had moved from solely above my eyebrows to the back of my neck and right above my eyebrows.  He then inquired: "Have you been under a lot of stress lately?".  To this I replied, "Well I found out on April 26th that I got into grad school here and had to leave everything and move here...grad school started June 1st."  He was like oh yeah I'd say thats pretty stressful...well you're having tension headaches along with your migraines.  (AWESOME).  Basically he gave me muscle relaxers to take when I get "tension headaches" (everyday?), but I can't take them on school days (Monday-Thursday) until I learn how my body will react to them.  Sheesh!!!  So I'm not really sure how to handle tension headaches since Dr. Neurologist Man said tylenol, advil, etc. won't get rid of them and I can't take muscle relaxers on school days. My life has been taken over by Grad School and yay for me I start at Chili's in Jonesboro at the end of this week.  Hopefully I will learn to lean on God through all of this and not myself thereby getting rid of the tension headaches without taking medication.  Also if I learn to lean on God I'll survive the next 18 months because without Him there is no way I'll make it!  Ok now I have to get back to reading this textbook so I can finish and move onto the next one...

New Sea...

So my on again/off again bff since 4th grade got married last weekend and the thought of her now officially being a Mrs. is still throwing me for a loop.  First let me explain the on again/off again bff relationship status that we have.  We single handedly made each other's lives hell growing up then somehow managed to put them back together only to destroy them again the next week.  We fought over: guys, family, guys, church, guys, friends, guys, clothes, guys, school, guys, guys, guys!!! Even through it all I think if we were both completely honest with each other we needed one another to make it through the "rough years" of being a teenager.  So that being said within the past two weeks I have picked up my entire life in Searcy, AR and relocated to Jonesboro, AR.  That happened on a Wednesday afternoon and on into Thursday.  That Thursday evening began the wedding festivities with the soon to be "Mrs. Meeks'" classy lingerie/bachelorette party.  The next morning began quite early (7:30 am) as we decorated for the lovely wedding at Central Baptist here in Jonesboro. We finished the decorating, bridal luncheon, and rehearsal/rehearsal dinner somewhat early (9:30 pm) Friday evening and called it a day!  Saturday morning came WAY too quickly (9:30 am) as we arrived at Central to start preparing for the 2 o'clock wedding.  Needless to say through the stresses and emotions of the day everything fell into place and the wedding was gorgeous.  Lauren looked amazing as she walked down the isle next to her dad and there definitely wasn't a dry eye amongst her bridesmaids! It was a wonderful day that we'd be dreaming about for years and I was super excited to get to share it with my on again/off again bff!!

So all this leads me up to change and a new sea the title of my blog:  Basically Lauren's mother sat me down the night before the wedding and told me her opinion of why I got into ASU grad school.  In her opinion I couldn't find a fish in my sea so God brought me to another sea so I could find a fish.  Well thats fine if that happens, but thats not really what I'm here for.  However, the thought of being in a new sea has made me think quite a bit.  Whenever you begin something new, regardless of if its a new day, new job, new school, or whatever else you are being cast out into a new sea.  You get the option of being whomever you want to be.  You can go back to being the same ole person you were before and maybe you were a great person before, or you can make the change you always wanted to make, but were never quite able to make stuck back in your old sea.  Maybe you were so surrounded by old habits, friends, lifestyles that you just couldn't change, and God moved you to a new sea to make the change you needed to make so you could BECOME THE NEW FISH.  So here I sit about to start grad school in 2 days at a state school and I'm nervous.  I'm super nervous because my God isn't shared and discussed as much on this campus as He was back on Harding campus, but God brought me here because He thought I needed to be cast out into a new sea so I can be transformed into the NEW FISH He wants me to be.

Not ready...

I am 3 days from leaving Searcy and I am NOT READY!!! I have honestly been in the worst mood for the past two weeks because I don't even want to think about leaving this town! I know Wynne will always be "home" like the town where I was born and raised, but Searcy has become my home!!! After I made the decision several months ago to stay here for another year and work at Chili's I became very happy with that decision.  I was totally at peace and now my world has been flipped upside down.  Don't get me wrong I am so happy that God blessed me with being able to get into Grad school, but I don't want to leave my town!!! I am a person that typically likes change, but this is a BIG change and I am scared.  I don't know my way around Jonesboro that well, I don't know my way around ASU at all, I don't know people there...grrr!!! I honestly feel like the little 19 year old sitting in my bedroom floor packing for college for the first time.  I remember crying my eyes out telling my daddy that I didn't want to leave.  That I wasn't old enough to leave my mommy and daddy.  He looked at me with those eyes only Daddy's have and said yes you are and we're only going to be an hour or so away.  He was right.  The first night was horrible.  I was terribly sick when they drove away, but after the first couple days passed I survived and loved it! Now here I am again not wanting to go, but I know I'll survive.  It's just taking that first step to jump... then you can fly...That's what I have to keep telling myself.  This is my chance to fly!!

God Always Has A Plan...

So people always say, "God has a plan".  Sometimes we as humans get really discouraged and forget that God has a plan for us and we try to take things into our own hands.  I have tried hard for the past 4 months to rely on God, but I have taken things into my own hands.  I have doubted if I really wanted to be a Speech Therapist.  I have decided to just work at Chili's and live in Searcy for the next year.  I have decided to possibly work on going back to school to be a nurse.  Little did I know that MY God has a plan.  This morning I woke up to a phone call from Arkansas State University's Communication Science Disorder's Department Chair.  He called to offer me a spot in their graduate program starting June 1st!!!! I literally burst into tears and laughter.  I couldn't say yes and thank you fast enough!!! All day long I have thought about the plan that God had.  Back in November I turned down the chance to go to Africa this summer with Harding.  If I had been going there, I couldn't have said yes.  If I had gotten into ASU from the beginning instead of Harding I probably wouldn't have appreciated it as much because I wanted to go to Harding.  Also if I had gotten into graduate school from the beginning I wouldn't have appreciated it as much because I felt like it was what I deserved, not something God blessed me with.  Now I feel like it is one of the biggest blessings I have ever received.  Needless to say I have a lot of big changes coming up in the near future, but I am not afraid because God has a plan. JEREMIAH 29:11!!!

Life...

So my life has been a constant roller coaster of emotions.  I received the news the Friday before Harding's Spring Break that I did not get into their Graduate School for Speech Therapy.  Where does this leave me? I HAVE NO IDEA!!! I left the following Wednesday with 7 amazing people from my church back home in Wynne for the Bahamas.  We went to the island of Eleuthera to Rock Sound where our church supports a missionary named Lincoln Young.  Although this mission trip was like none other I had been on, I did learn a lot from it.  Lincoln is a man who has had a lot physically taken away from him, but when you sit down to have a conversation with him or pass him going down the street you would never know.  He always has this wonderful smile covering his face and always brightens your day with words of encouragement.  I have been watching Lincoln come to my church and since I was approximately 12 years old, but now that I am 22 I finally have a real relationship with him.  He taught me how to sincerely be happy in my happenings and how to always see the glass as half full.  Not only this, but he is a great example of what a servant of God should be.  After we all returned from the Bahamas it was time to makes a decision about my future.  Well here I sit two weeks later and have yet to make that BIG decision.  I had decided to pack up and move to Paragould...I just knew it was where I needed to be, but yesterday something changed.  I had this overwhelming feeling that I needed to stay put.  I just felt like if God wasn't really pushing me to go somewhere that maybe I needed to stay where I was until he made clear his next move for me.  That being said I began talking to Michelle (my baby sister) about living with me in Searcy again.  We started looking at rent houses today and I'm not sure where I'll go from here.  I enjoy the people I work with at Chili's in Searcy, although Chili's is not where I desire to work.  I want a job that can make a different in people's lives.  I do not see how contributing to the obesity of America is making a difference in people's lives, but it does pay the bills. So for now I feel like I am going to be still and know that God is in control.  As for a long term plan...I don't have one.  If you know me very well at all...I AM NOT GOOD WITH NOT HAVING A PLAN.  This is the biggest leap of faith I have EVER taken!!!  I am walking to the edge and jumping and with this jump I am trusting God to catch me.

Patiently waiting...sorta.

So the news broke around 3 pm today that the Grad school acceptance/rejection letters were sent out today!!! That being said I wrote my address down as my parents so my letter will be sent to Wynne.  Several of my friends found out that they were either accepted or rejected since they are still in school their letters were sent to their campus mail box.  I am still patiently or impatiently waiting.  I have cried and gotten close to throwing up over the past 11 hours as I think of what the next 24/48 hours holds.  I know God is in control of my future, but I am just so nervous.  I have worked the past 3 and a half years for a piece of paper that either accepts or rejects me to the next step.  Yes if I don't get accepted this year I can always re-apply, but what will I do for the next year until that time comes? I am trying so hard to be patient and give it to God.  I had thought, until today, that I was really improving in this whole "give it to God" thing.  Today, however, shows that I am just a mere human and I have a lot more to work on.  So what if I do get in?  I will be VERY happy and will continue to read my CSD books to prepare myself for grad school!!! What if I don't get in?  Well I have been contemplating this for several weeks now... I think I have decided that if I don't get in I will start working on the physical therapy pre-reqs and then apply to physical therapy school.  I don't have the passion for pt that I have for Speech, but I can't see myself sitting out an entire year.  My professors encouraged us to improve our application if we don't get in...somehow enhance your resume...huh?  I have no idea how I can possibly enhance my resume by working at Chili's.  I don't even know why I am worrying about all of this before I receive that precious/dreaded letter in the mail, but for some reason it is all keeping me from sleeping.

On an entirely different note... Today is Ash Wednesday.  Although I am not Catholic I like to give something up every year until Easter.  I think this is a very good ritual that the Catholics do and I enjoy practicing it.  I'm not exactly sure their stipulations/rules on it, but here are mine... I give up something that I desire on a daily/habitual basis and whenever I crave/desire it I turn to prayer instead of my personal desire.  This year since I am training for the half marathon I decided to give up sugars ex: chocolate, ice cream, and candy as well as carbs: rice, pasta, bread, and potatoes.  I am hoping to continue this "fast" even past Easter up until the race itself the last weekend in April.  I feel like this not only will help detox my body for the race, but it will enhance my prayer life which can always use a little enhancing.

Next on my brain is my mission trip to the Bahamas which is a week from today.  I'm not quite sure if it has hit me that I am actually getting to go.  I have dreamt of going on this mission trip since I was in High School and finally this year I am going!!! I am really excited about what its going to revel and what we are going to be able to teach the people down there. I am most excited about teaching VBS to the children in the schools! Oh fun times await!  Please pray that God goes ahead of us and softens the hearts of the people down there.  Also that he prepares our minds and hearts to say the words that they need to hear.

What is new?

Well once again it has been a while...so what have I been up to? Working!!! I have been working for two weeks straight with zero days off.  Yes this is really lame, but the money is nice.  I am starting to catch on to the way Chili's works.  I haven't really messed up an order in a while which is a positive thing.

I feel the desire to get away from Searcy.  I also have a strong desire to go shopping!!! I am leaving in 12 days to go on a Mission trip to the Bahamas with my church from Wynne.  I am really excited about it.  I have sat on the sidelines and watched a small group of 12 people go year after year on this trip and I am finally getting the chance to go!

From my understanding the decisions have been made about grad school, but the letters won't be sent out until mid-March.  I am really nervous, but I am working hard on giving it all to God.  I am working on a back up plan incase I do not get in anywhere.  Yes...that's a typical Jenn move to have a back up plan for everything...is that really giving anything to God if you have a back-up plan? Probably not...yikes.

Lauren's wedding is rapidly approaching.  I found an awesome lingerie website...lingeriediva.com. I honestly recommend it for anybody throwing a lingerie shower or attending a friend's lingerie shower.  It has awesome lingerie for reasonable prices.  I need ideas for a fun Bachelorette party without strippers or alcohol?  If anybody has any ideas please let me know.

I joined the Netflix world yesterday... I do believe it is the best thing that has happened to me this month. I know it's only the 5th but still! I have watched 6 movies already...which makes me sound like a loser, but I LOVE movies!!!

Anyways that is all that is going on in my life right now.  I am going to try to make cookies tomorrow and hopefully I'll upload pictures of my apple pie that I made not too long ago soon!  Chili's is taking over my life so Betty is being put on hold.